


Upper Bound

by PartridgeOnAPearTree



Series: Transversal [23]
Category: Dangan Ronpa, Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-13
Updated: 2016-05-13
Packaged: 2018-06-08 04:58:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6839995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PartridgeOnAPearTree/pseuds/PartridgeOnAPearTree
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'What do I have to do?'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Upper Bound

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, hi! <3 It's a miracle how I'm still able to write and suffer in the university at the same time. I'm updating a little earlier than usual today because I'm going to shortly start with that ritual I do each time I have a Math test... You know, burying myself with Math worksheets and drowning myself with coffee! Fun stuff!!!  
> This semester is about to end, so I'm going to be writing those prompts that you guys sent pretty soon!!

[ _‘_ The subscriber cannot be reached. Please try again later.’]

 

Komaeda isn’t picking up his phone, and Hinata has a rough and unpleasant guess as to why.

 

He doesn’t want to admit that he felt defeated when he went back to the dorm that night to see that Komaeda was gone. It immediately clicked in his mind, after all, that Naegi must have done something to make Komaeda go.

 

The most likely explanation is that Komaeda would be at Naegi’s dorm room at the moment—Naegi must have called him to keep the two of them away from each other. Hinata clenches his fist as he imagines what kind of lies Naegi is telling Komaeda at the moment. With each second, another lie probably gets spouted, and Hinata is just here, doing nothing.

 

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_I don’t doubt that he’ll believe me._

_No matter how good your proof is, he’ll still choose to believe me._

_If you actually proceed with that Project Hope that I was hearing about—_

_Maybe then you can possibly go against me._

Hinata kicks against the wall beside him. He hates, hates how he feels like he can’t do anything about this situation as he is at the moment. It’s a pathetic thought that he has to undergo something like Project Hope to even get a shred of credibility.

 

He supposes that that really is how big a deal talent is. Of course, he knows that best. After all, he has been wishing and aiming to be someone extraordinary all his life—hell, he just wants to get out of this mediocrity and be excellent already—so he should know.

 

[ _‘_ The subscriber cannot be reached. Please try again later.’]

 

He should know, yet he still can’t stop feeling frustrated. Frustrated about what's going on, frustrated about _himself_ —he doesn’t understand why he had to be born like this: painfully average, painfully plain, painfully powerless.

 

He feels as if he was born and stuffed inside a box of mediocrity, and all he wants to do is get out of it. That test he took could have been his ticket to finally getting what he wants, he could be happy right now, finally contented and aware that there's something he can do excellently, at least, but that shred of hope was taken away from him—that small opening from the sealed box that he desperately wants to exit was suddenly covered with layers and layers of steel, and now he's left with nothing but his bare self.

 

[ _‘_ The subscriber cannot be reached. Please try again later.’]

 

He kicks against the wall a second time.

 

He could have used that test as a way to break through the box.

 

[ _‘_ The subscriber cannot be reached. Please try again later.’]

 

He could have—

 

His thought process gets interrupted when he feels something wet on his face.

 

Ah, unbelievable.

 

He can’t believe that he's crying at the moment. But somehow he doesn’t feel ashamed because he knows that he's not crying out of sadness.

 

He's crying out of anger, he realizes, as he briefly contemplates throwing his phone across the room.

 

That much is clear because he can’t stop himself from practically beating up the wall beside him with his feet. He realizes that he's just hurting himself this way, a thought that he answers with a bitter ‘what's new’, as what just happened more or less than half an hour ago runs through his head again.

 

_This was all my doing._

 

_I was well aware of the pen, and I chose to lend it to you._

_I wanted you to fail your test._

 

_Everything that happened is your fault._

Hinata hates how he's starting to believe that.

 

Maybe this really is his fault. This wouldn’t have happened if he just continued using his own pen. It was going so well—he scored really well on the test where his answers didn’t disappear—but he had to consider fantasizing about Komaeda being with him.

 

This is his fault. It’s all because he can’t stop himself from thinking about Komaeda all the time. If only he was reasonable and healthy with his attraction, he wouldn’t have to obsess about the idea of using the pen that Komaeda apparently owned.

 

This is his fault. It’s all because he wasn’t able to forgo what he feels even if Komaeda was already in a relationship, even if it was made clear that Hinata doesn’t even stand a chance anymore. If only he backed off right away, doing his very best to actually be a good best friend whose thoughts are purely platonic, this wouldn’t have happened.

 

He realizes that the poor wall doesn’t deserve the abuse that it’s getting from him because in this situation, it’s clear that he should be the one getting beaten up instead.

 

_You believe everything you're told._

_You didn’t even care enough to use your own pen._

_You didn’t even care enough to make sure the pen you used was reliable._

_Everything was your fault._

_You practically asked for this to happen._

This is all because he was so gullible. Right, now that he thinks about it, the reason why he befriended Naegi was because it gave him a false sense of control. It was his way to trick himself that things are kinda okay because at least he's connected to them both. It was his poor way to feel like he's still included in the loop, that somehow he's still an important part of Komaeda’s life because he's a close friend of Komaeda’s significant other.

 

This must be the universe’s way of chastising him for his conniving thoughts. This is his price for even thinking that he can befriend someone with those self-seeking goals in mind. He thought that he was gaining the upper hand, but in reality, he was just worsening the situation for himself even more.

 

He wonders how different things would be if he never talked to Naegi that certain time in the courtyard, that time when he felt the need to ask Naegi why Komaeda was avoiding him and their whole class. He wonders if things would be better or worse than they are right now.

 

Every single time he talked to Naegi, his feeling of inadequacy just got rubbed on his face even more. Now that Hinata thinks about it, maybe those seemingly unintentionally harmful words that Naegi said to him before weren’t, well, unintentional, after all.

 

_Komaeda-kun never mentions you at all._

_I didn’t know you were best friends._

_He never really regarded you that way._

_I swear it’s all platonic for him._

 

He still doesn’t understand Naegi’s motives. All he said, after all, was ‘ _I wanted you to fail your test_ ’, but Hinata doesn’t even understand how that happening will benefit Naegi. Was it because Naegi knew that he has feelings for Komaeda? Did he think that Hinata was a threat to their relationship?

 

Hinata stops kicking against the wall. He thinks that his feet are bruising by now.

 

Hell, he doesn’t even stand a chance. Komaeda doesn’t even talk to him anymore without at least referencing Naegi. There is no good reason for Naegi to be even threatened by Hinata’s presence because there really is no contest between the two of them. It’s so clear who Komaeda likes better. It’s so clear who Komaeda would choose.

 

It hurts. It hurts so much. But it’s so clear that Hinata would be fooling himself if he continues to deny that.

 

He's sure that Naegi knows that too—he even quite confidently said that Komaeda will always choose to believe in him instead of Hinata—so why did he have to do something like that? Why did he have to give Hinata that goddamn pen? Why did he have to want Hinata to fail?

 

Was it all because of what Hinata did that certain night? Has Naegi been nursing a deep hatred for him ever since that time? If so, then he really should have just confronted Hinata about it. Hinata understands if he gets hated anyway.

 

He didn’t have to hit Hinata’s secure position in the main course.

 

Though Hinata understands too because that might be the most important thing that he has at the moment.

 

Don’t get him wrong—Komaeda is very important to him too, but it’s not like Hinata has him.

 

He doesn’t have Komaeda—it has never been that way—and now, he doesn’t have a position in the main course anymore.

 

He resists the urge to kick against the wall again.

 

Now he doesn’t have anything at all.

 

\--

 

_You really sicken me._

_Don’t you disgust yourself?_

_You know that you can’t really do anything._

_You can’t do it._

_It’s kinda sad._

That night, he dreamt of Komaeda saying Naegi’s words to him.

 

Those words already hurt on their own when Naegi said them, but now, Hinata woke up feeling that they burned.

 

\--

 

Hinata wanted to talk to Komaeda so bad. He doesn’t know how he’ll make himself believable, and he gets the feeling that maybe, he should plan this a little better, but knowing that Naegi probably is pouring more and more poison in Komaeda’s head makes Hinata feel like he can’t just continue doing nothing.

 

So he makes sure to show up in the classroom quite early—way earlier than the usual time he goes in—because he wants to talk to Komaeda as soon as possible. The classroom was empty when he arrived, and that was when he realized that he was being stupid again because showing up early doesn’t really mean anything if Komaeda isn’t around.

 

How very classic of himself, he thought, to just jump into things without thinking.

 

 Just another thing that makes him inferior, he guesses.

 

\--

 

Hinata thinks that he shouldn’t have been surprised when Komaeda arrives in the classroom two minutes before the bell rings, Naegi with him. That’s when Hinata figures that Naegi must have been really trying to keep the two of them apart.

 

Didn’t Naegi say that there's no way that Komaeda will believe Hinata? Then why does he find the need to do this? Hinata finds it quite infuriating, especially when Naegi makes eye contact with him as he whispers god-knows-what to Komaeda’s ear.

 

Naegi looks like he's challenging Hinata, smiling like he always does, and Hinata resists the urge to just go ahead and punch him then and there. Whatever lies he has told Komaeda will just get proven if Hinata acts that way.

 

Hinata knows that.

 

And he's pretty sure that Naegi knows that he knows.

 

That’s why Naegi can confidently strut in here in the first place, since he knows that Hinata can’t do anything.

 

\--

 

Hinata doesn’t stop himself from transferring to the seat beside Komaeda’s anyway. Komaeda’s seatmate is Koizumi, and she obviously didn’t want to agree to swap, so Hinata guesses that he must have looked serious when he said that he ‘has something important to discuss with Komaeda’ because she ended up yielding.

 

But now that he's actually beside Komaeda, Komaeda feels even more distant because he didn’t even turn to give Hinata a look of recognition.

 

That simple action already hurt, but Hinata has to push through.

 

“Komaeda.” Hinata starts, mentally congratulating himself for not shaking. “Look, I know you know that we have things to talk about. Please don’t do this again.”

 

Komaeda doesn’t even make the slightest visible reaction to the point that Hinata actually considered for a while that Komaeda really didn’t hear him at all.

 

“Okay.” Continuing to talk leaves a bitter sensation within his chest. “I know you can hear me anyway, so I’ll just talk. Komaeda, whatever he told you—I don’t know what he told you, but still I'm sure—whatever he told you, it’s not true. You have to believe me.”

 

Hinata knows that he won’t really convince anyone with how he's talking, especially since he just asserted that statement without even backing it up with proof.

 

_You can’t really do anything about this._

_You won’t be able to prove it._

 

“Naegi lent me a pen. I used it because he told me that it was yours.” Hinata continues. “Remember when I went back in the dorm room angry at you? It’s all because he told me that you owned the pen. I thought that you gave him a pen without even telling him that it had disappearing ink. I thought that you were cruel enough to prank him, someone that you claimed was… very important to you.”

 

Komaeda’s eyes were firmly trained on the blackboard even if there's currently nothing written on it, as if its smallest details—the stray chalk marks that remained not erased, the markings of the numerous masking tapes that were probably used to attach some visuals on it, few holes that were possibly caused by thumbtacks—were the most interesting in the world. As if Hinata was insignificant compared to these little things, as if it doesn’t matter at all that Hinata was beside him at the moment.

 

“Komaeda…” Hinata’s resolve starts to crumble. Everything about this whole deal is discouraging, and Komaeda not reacting at all isn’t helping in the slightest. Each time he opens his mouth, he feels like he's just subjecting himself to more vulnerability. He wonders if it’s alright to stop, if it’s alright to give up, if it’s alright to stop hoping. “…I know I have no pen to show to you right now, but I swear I'm not lying to you. I promise. I was never fond of lying—y-you know that, right? Just the mere thought of lying to you… it hurts me already. Please.”

 

And the fact that Hinata is actually lying to him at the moment about some things hurts even more. Of course he wants to stop this already. He wants Komaeda to know what he really is—a mere talentless Reserve Course Student, and he wants Komaeda to know what he really feels, but right now is just a bad time.

 

“K-Komaeda.” Hinata hates how his words are starting to shake. He decides to put a hand on Komaeda’s arm—hoping that it will get his attention and he’ll finally turn to face Hinata. He feels his own eyes widen when Komaeda finally budges and places a hand on Hinata’s, and he briefly wishes that time would just pause then and there in this very moment. At least they'd be beside each other, at least Komaeda would be touching his hand, but of course he knows that wishing for that is mere folly. “…Komaeda. Please believe me.”

 

Everything hurt when Komaeda lifted Hinata’s hand and returned it to the desk. Komaeda obviously made sure to do it gently, but it still hurt all the same to the point that Hinata actually wished that he just harshly pushed the hand away because there really would have been no difference.

 

Despite it not being the first time for something like this to happen, it’s the first time for Hinata to actually feel unwelcomed by Komaeda.

 

So he decides to move away for now, forcing himself to breathe deeply as an effort to calm himself down, against his better judgment.

 

And as soon as he did, the teacher calls his attention, saying that he's being excused.

 

Now he doesn’t know what to think about first.

 

\--

 

It wouldn’t do the situation justice to simply declare ‘the silence was uncomfortable.’ The usual researcher that he talks to was sitting in front of him, sifting through some papers like he always does. Hinata deeply wishes that they're not forms that will return him to the Reserve Course.

 

He can’t go back there.

 

He can’t go back there especially now.

 

“Here you go, Hinata-kun.” The researcher hands the papers to him. Hinata’s guess regarding what they are was right. “Just sign above this line so that you can go back to the Reserve Course already starting next week.”

 

“No.” Hinata abruptly replies. The researcher lifts an eyebrow at him. He must look so impertinent right now, having the courage to act like he still has the right to make a choice after apparently pulling a rather stupid stunt regarding his exam. “Uh, I mean… p-please reconsider. I know I don’t look worthy anymore… but please give me another chance. I'm begging you.”

 

“It is true that you are not worthy anymore. How admirable of you to acknowledge that.” The researcher replies. “So what makes you think that you should be given a chance? You should not even be making demands like this as you simply just do not deserve to do so.”

 

“I’ll do anything. Please.” Hinata clenches his fists by his side. “Anything, I promise. Just please don’t return me there.”

 

“You should have thought about that before doing something that stupid.” The researcher hums. “But who am I to reject such a noble-sounding promise, am I right? I know I do not look like it, but I actually am pretty considerate.”

 

Hinata blinks, looking up to face the researcher. He didn’t even realize that he was already looking down, almost as if he was trying to desperately hide himself in shame. “W-What do you mean? You'll actually give me a chance?”

 

The researcher hums again, nodding. “You should not be so surprised now, Hinata-kun. You already know about the other alternative anyway. Or did you think we would think of another talent that could fit you? I did say that I am considerate, but I did not mean to that extent.”

 

“I know… Project Hope.” Hinata bites his lower lip. “It’s either that… or the Reserve Course. Right?”

 

“Right. Excellently put, Hinata-kun.”

 

“My choice should be obvious.” Hinata says. “But I don’t really know anything about Project Hope. I think I’d want to know everything about it first before I actually make my decision.”

 

“Really now?” The researcher smiles. Hinata feels like shivering because of that. “I thought that you would want to do anything that will grant you a talent.”

 

“Yeah, but…” That’s right. The only reason why Hinata treated Project Hope as a last resort all this time is because there used to be another option. But now that that option has been excised, and not to mention, not by himself… it should really be automatic if he decides to go with Project Hope. “…I just want to make sure that I understand everything.”

 

“What is the point?” The researcher lightly tilts his head, still with a smile. “Whatever Project Hope is, will it really affect your decision? What only matters is that it is a sure way to bring you to the main course, right? Is there a drawback bad enough that will make you rather go back to the Reserve Course?”

 

“I don’t think so, but… I deserve to know that much, right? I mean, you did mention one time that it was a surgery… so it’s only natural for me to want to know everything.” Hinata replies. “What kind of surgery are we actually talking about here? To the muscles to enhance strength for athletic talents…? To the eyes to enhance talent that requires close perception? Or…?”

 

The researcher laughs, and Hinata doesn’t understand why. “You are smarter than you look. Those are actually good ideas, now that I think about it.”

 

“So…?”

 

“Well, may I ask you, Hinata-kun… What exactly controls athletic ability? Is it really the muscles? What exactly controls sight? Is it really the eyes?”

 

“…What? Are these trick questions?”

 

“Are these trick questions, he asks…” The researcher snickers. Hinata still doesn’t understand why. “Well, to be fair, you are right. Muscles do have something to do with a person’s strength. And it also is true that the eyes have a role in order for one to see. Here in Hope’s Peak Academy, however—we believe in excellence, and that is why every student in the main course is just truly exemplary, possessing a talent each. But to be excellent in a place of excellence, is possessing one talent really enough?”

 

“…I don’t understand what you're getting at, but isn’t it too much if a person has more than one Super High School Level Talent?”

 

“I guess that is what a Reserve Course Student has to say about this matter.” The researcher smiles again. “Have you not heard of those so-called child prodigies? That person who was able to enter their country’s most competitive university at the age of eleven? Or that other person who graduated with a general weighted average of 99.6% from the same university? I know, these things sound like matters that do not happen in real life, but that is only because you live on a different plane compared to these people. What is usual for them is unthinkable for someone like you.”

 

“So what are you trying to say?” Hinata does his best to not snap. He hates having to put up with these insults, but he can’t risk losing his chance.

 

“I am trying to say that it is perfectly fine and possible for someone to have more than one Super High School Level Talent.” The researcher says. “And if you would want, you could be that person.”

 

What?

 

Just what?

 

Hinata can feel that his eyebrows were knitted together as he stares at the researcher, searching the latter’s face for any clue of jest. There was nothing but that unreadable smile, and despite being a smile, it actually doesn’t hold humor anyway, so Hinata decides to conclude that whatever the researcher said wasn’t a joke at all.

 

But still.

 

What?

 

“Then what kind of surgery will you do to me? And how many?” Hinata has never had a surgery before, so he’d be lying if he says that the idea doesn’t scare him at least a little bit. “Can you stop being so roundabout this? Can’t you just tell me everything?”

 

“Just one, Hinata-kun.” The researcher lets out a laugh. “Just one surgery, and lots and lots of preparations for it. Then that will be all. You will have a talent, you will be perfect for the main course, and you will have nothing to worry about. We will even be willing to overlook the stupid stunt that you pulled regarding your test. Everything sounds ideal… do you not agree?”

 

“Yeah, but there are still things that I don’t understand… What were you saying earlier about getting more than one talent? How will that be possible with just one surgery?”

 

“What exactly controls our every move, Hinata-kun? Speaking of athletic ability, what makes us able to control our muscles? Speaking of perception, what makes us able to process what we are seeing? What lets us process the information that our senses pick up?” The researcher hums. “If you can answer these, then you will be able to answer your own questions too.”

 

_What controls a person’s every move—_

 

“You can go back to your classroom now, Hinata-kun.” The researcher stands up. “We will have you excused again when needed.”

 

\--

 

Hinata doesn’t know what to think about first.

 

He doesn’t know if he should think about Naegi now, the lies that he's probably feeding Komaeda’s head with each second, Komaeda himself, Komaeda’s behavior towards him, Project Hope, the researcher’s confusing words—

 

There's always the option of thinking about all of them at the same time, but Hinata doesn’t really think that he's capable of doing that.

 

Each issue is already overwhelming on its own.

 

He feels like he's going to spontaneously combust then and there if he forces himself to simultaneously analyze all of them, but here he is anyway, having all of them in his mind while doing his best to keep it together and not fall apart.

 

\--

 

Now that Hinata thinks about it, it’s true that it’s not the first time Komaeda did something like ignore him and act like he doesn’t even exist.

 

It already happened a couple of months ago. That was actually the start of Hinata questioning if ever he really mattered to Komaeda at all. There was a time when he could proudly declare at least that he's Komaeda’s best friend—hell, he even proudly assumed that there was a chance Komaeda returned his feelings, remember, that was the mistake that started all this, after all—but that entire happening crushed his confidence in an instant.

 

There was something painful about doing everything he can to get Komaeda to speak up, to confide to him, only to find out that he chose to confide to someone else. That someone else which is, of course, no one else but Naegi.

 

And now that Hinata thinks about it, if Naegi instructed Komaeda to do something like that at the present time, then it isn’t a far assumption to think that he must be the reason too why Komaeda did that back then in the first place.

 

Actually, that’s the most understandable explanation. If that was indeed the reason, Hinata can imagine why Komaeda persistently chose to not say why he did what he did, why he chose to make up an obvious excuse like ‘ _I have no reason_ ’ and ‘ _I just really thought I should do something like that_ ’.

 

The realization makes Hinata’s blood boil.

 

\--

 

“Tell me the truth.” Hinata doesn’t know how he can still return to the seat beside Komaeda’s after being completely ignored earlier. Everything about that whole deal still hurts—everything about _this_ whole deal still hurts—but he decides to let anger fuel him for now. After all, anger is much easier to deal with than pain, and it can distract him from the excruciating feeling within his chest. “It was Naegi, wasn’t it? He told you to ignore me right now. And he also was the one who told you to ignore me, ignore us, that time back then, right?”

 

Komaeda ever so slightly flinches, but Hinata would never miss the littlest reactions as if his life depended on it.

 

“I know. Even if you don’t say anything right now, I know. If anything, your silence tells me everything.” Hinata clenches his fist. “After all, who else would you do something like this for, right? No one else but him, right? Because he's—” He hates how he seems to be getting more affected by his own words compared to Komaeda. “—He's that Super High School Level Hope that you love so much, that you admire so much. It’s ridiculous, Komaeda. It’s ridiculous that you'd do something like this for him. I can’t believe you.”

 

But what Hinata can’t believe more is the fact that he's actually saying these things. He's actually scared to reach the point again where he’ll start to vehemently regret every single word that came out of his mouth because that always happens.

 

“Komaeda, please…” Hinata closes his eyes as he cups one of Komaeda’s hands with both of his. He almost looks like he's praying like this—maybe he really is praying, praying for all of this to stop, praying for Komaeda to at least give him the slightest acknowledgement—and he lets out a deep breath that almost felt painful for him. “…What do I have to do?”

 

He knows he's practically begging to get noticed now, but he doesn’t even want to stop.

 

“Komaeda—”

 

“Hinata-kun.”

 

Just the mere call of his name made Hinata stop. He practically clutches to Komaeda’s hand, refusing to open his eyes. He's scared to see what Komaeda’s face looks like right now. Is he looking at Hinata with pure disgust? Annoyance? Does he think Hinata is being obnoxious?

 

Hinata’s not ready to know.

 

Hinata doesn’t want to know.

 

“Please…” Komaeda’s voice was soft. It sounded so much like the usual, but it hurt. It hurt so much, and Hinata doesn’t even know why. “…Please settle this with Naegi-kun. Until then, I hope you understand… that I don’t want to ruin things that I myself don’t quite comprehend.

 

“…I'm sorry, Hinata-kun.”

 

\--

 

It didn’t surprise Hinata at all when he sees that Naegi was already waiting for Komaeda outside their classroom as soon as their class exited the room for lunch time. It didn’t make sense how fast he was since all classes end at the same time anyway. It’s glaringly obvious that he's going out of his way to keep Hinata and Komaeda from interacting properly.

 

And Hinata finds that ridiculous because even without that inference, he still can’t properly interact with Komaeda anyway.

 

What happened earlier in the classroom was proof.

 

He wanted to confront Naegi again then and there, but he can’t decide if he would prefer Komaeda to be with them when he does that or not.

 

If Komaeda’s there, that will hopefully clear up more things.

 

But if Komaeda’s there, Naegi would have that invisible leash around Hinata’s throat, that leash that disallows Hinata to go all out, that leash that wordlessly tells Hinata that his secret of being a Reserve Course Student is in danger of being exposed anytime, together with that incorrigible mistake that he did that certain night.

 

And of course, he doesn’t want Komaeda to know those things from someone else.

 

So he just stays again like earlier this morning, doing nothing, and he forces himself to keep calm when Naegi smiles at him again.

 

\--

 

_…What do I have to do?_

 

Hinata asked Komaeda that in desperation.

 

But now that he thinks about it, maybe it’s a question for himself too.

 

What does he have to do, indeed?

 

He doesn’t even know how to answer that himself. Maybe that’s why he's stuck here in this hopeless situation.

 

\--

 

Hinata wonders how different things would have been if instead of Naegi, he told Komaeda about the fact that he's a Reserve Course Student. He knows he's being stupid with this thought because during that situation, there was no way that he would have chosen Komaeda for that.

 

He was too scared to get rejected, to get ignored for good, to get hated.

 

But if he allows himself to imagine at least—Komaeda would have hated him, sure, but Naegi couldn’t have ruined his chances to pass that test. After all, Hinata knows that the moment he felt like he actually got really close to Naegi was when he confided to the latter about his lack of talent. Without that happening, he wouldn’t have trusted Naegi so deeply, wouldn’t have told him every worry that he has, wouldn’t have exposed himself to vulnerability.

 

He would get a talent and a permanent place in the main course without having to subject himself to a suspicious surgery.

 

But Komaeda would have hated him.

 

Maybe that would have been better, now that he thinks about it.

 

It’s way better than this situation where he already has no secure position in the main course, and he still runs the possibility to get hated by Komaeda.

 

\--

 

In an ideal parallel world somewhere—assuming that parallel worlds exist—Hinata would have confessed to Komaeda a year ago, and Komaeda would have returned his feelings. Instead of Naegi, Hinata would be the one in a relationship with Komaeda, and every day would be filled with happiness.

 

Maybe in that ideal world too, he would have his own talent. He wouldn’t be a student from the Reserve Course in the first place. He would have been enrolled in the main course because he actually had a legitimate reason to be.

 

He wonders what talent would have suited him.

 

Maybe he could be the actual Super High School Level Test Taker without having to take a test to prove that. Maybe he could be the Super High School Level Stamp Collector like he joked sometime a year ago. Maybe he could be the Super High School Level Clumsy Student like Komaeda guessed as a joke one time.

 

He doesn’t really care as long as he's in the main course.

 

In that ideal world, he’ll have a talent, and he’ll be happy with Komaeda. He wouldn’t be stuck in a constant dilemma of having to choose between a place in the main course and Komaeda. He wouldn’t be forced to feel like he has to give up the other to get one, and that if he doesn’t choose any, he's exposed to lose both.

 

Maybe Naegi wouldn’t exist in that ideal world too. Or if he does, he won’t really be able to do anything to significantly affect Hinata’s and Komaeda’s lives. But if he still gets enrolled as the Super High School Level Hope, Hinata just knows that he’ll still get Komaeda’s attention one way or another.

 

Hinata pauses.

 

Maybe in that ideal world, Hinata is the Super High School Level Hope.

 

That, or Komaeda won’t be as enamored by hope as he is at the moment.

 

But in that case, that means that Komaeda wouldn’t have experienced the things that he did. Maybe Komaeda’s luck cycle wouldn’t exist. That’s good too because Hinata doesn’t think he deserves the suffering that he has been put through, but if that’s so, then he wouldn’t be able to get in Hope’s Peak as the Super High School Level Good Luck.

 

But then again, Hinata has always firmly believed that Komaeda is still talented anyway.

 

Maybe, in that ideal world, Komaeda would have a different talent too.

 

Hinata briefly wonders what Komaeda would be like without his luck cycle. He also wonders if he’ll still be the same Komaeda at all.

 

That’s when he realizes that that whole ideal world is stupid because a Komaeda who isn’t lucky and is not in love with hope is a different Komaeda altogether, and a version of himself with a talent is not himself at all.

 

Maybe this situation he found himself in is meant to happen.

 

Maybe Komaeda was meant to fall in love with Naegi, and Hinata was meant to pine for him like this.

 

\--

 

If that is what is meant to be, then Hinata is determined to break fate.

 

He swears he’ll turn this situation around whatever happens.

**Author's Note:**

> I, too, wanted to be a prodigy once upon a time.  
> Those people I referenced aren't fictional, by the way. Just ask me if you want to learn more about them :D


End file.
